


Change, Change is Everlasting

by PatchworkIdeas



Series: WinterFRE 2020 [7]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not Related, Angst, Blood and Torture, Dealing with having your world turned upside down, HeirKili, M/M, Racism, ShapeshifterFili
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:20:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22547686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatchworkIdeas/pseuds/PatchworkIdeas
Summary: Fili comes from a Clan of Shapeshifters living in the Blue Mountains. The steadfast friendship he starts with a certain Dwarf Prince changes both of their lives.
Series: WinterFRE 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604650
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13
Collections: GatheringFiKi - Winter FRE 2020





	1. The End is Where We Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for Prompt Nr63:  
> They hooked the chains directly to Fili’s spine
> 
> This verse will be told in snippets that will not be posted in chronological order.
> 
> This first snippet happens a few years after they retake Erebor. It's their lowest point, and will most likely be the one with the most Angst compared to the rest of the Verse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit 2021-01-01: So, the verse didn't happen. I still think this story counts as complete - both chapters have their own resolution, even though they don't have much in common apart from being set in the same world. I wish I could have written them their Happy Ever After but I realised that recovering from Trauma, and treating that journey with the Gravitas it deserves, requires a longer story than I can write. (My own mental health had a part in this decision too. Trauma recovery is hard, I don't want to have to constantly deal with it in writing too.)  
> So I'm closing it. If anyone wants to write them their happy ending? Be my guest.   
> For readers:   
> First Chapter: The ending has a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's not my usual happy ending. Expect Angst, expect Hurt. Expect some hope but no warm fuzzy feelings.  
> That said: I hope you can still enjoy it, it's not my usual style, but I'm still proud of it.  
> Second chapter: Set before the Trauma, mostly a Character study and exploring Fili's second form. No warnings necessary.
> 
> Enjoy ❤️

How had it come to this?

The question kept rattling around in the silent room, only their breath breaking the stillness.  
Fili was asleep, drugged up to the gills, though it didn't seem to prevent the pained grimace from settling on his face. 

No wonder, after what had been done to him. 

Kili still couldn't believe it.  
Fili had been his friend ever since he could remember. He had challenged the shapeshifter back when they were both kids and won his friendship in the process - much to both of their families consternation.  
Fili had been accepted in the Blue Mountains, no one had ever said a word against their friendship; but now Kili couldn't help but wonder if that was only because said friendship had prevented a costly fight with the original inhabitants of the mountain range. 

He hadn't realized it back then, but could see it now: how dire the situation had been, how they couldn’t have risked a fight with the ferocious warriors.  
Fili claiming Kili as his battle brother, as strange as that was to do so young, might very well have been the only thing that had made it possible for them to settle in the Blue Mountains at all, to have more than the constant hard life on the road; scattered, homeless, lost. 

When Kili told him about the quest, all those years later, Fili hadn't hesitated.  
He could have stayed with his own family, in his own home - but he hadn't. He insisted that wherever Kili went, he would follow.  
Kili could still feel the shock of that day, when Fili told him that _Kili_ was his home; more important to Fili than any place, or anyone else, could ever be. 

Fili had fought for him.  
Fili had left everything behind.  
Fili had done his best to fit in in a world that was very different from the Blue Mountains, a political landscape neither had expected when they set out to free Erebor. 

Fili had almost died for him.  
Almost. 

And his Uncle had done _nothing._  
Stood by, trying to placate Kili with stupid excuses of not risking the fragile peace in Erebor for one person, one that wasn't even a dwarf. 

How had he not seen, not realized, how suspicious his people were of Fili? How much else had his brother endured just to stay by his side, while Kili was unaware of any of it?

Fili had saved his life. He had killed a would be assassin before he could strike the final blow. 

Kili had been unconscious for a couple of days, the first unexpected strike to the head having knocked him out completely.  
A second would have killed him, helpless as he had been.  
He had known the attacker, hadn't expected the attack.  
A noble, son to one of the most influential houses now living in Erebor.  
Nobody knew why he had attempted to kill Kili.  
All they knew was that Fili had killed him; that Kili was lying unconscious on the ground, and nobody had seen what had actually happened. 

Fili had insisted he was protecting Kili. 

Nobody believed him. 

Or maybe they did, and just didn't care. Mahal knew he had, since then, heard plenty of people tell him how unnatural their bond was, how "a beast like that" had no place in the mountain. He even caught the edges of some hastily swallowed vitriol about how he could never be a worthy king, being much too welcoming and friendly to other races.  
Races they thought were beneath them. 

How had he not seen any of it before? 

When he came to, Kili raged and insisted they take him to Fili, not accepting no for an answer.  
Fili was in the dungeons, kept upright by chains connected directly to his spine, blood drenched and trembling in both pain and exhaustion.

So that he couldn't change, they said.  
So that he would rip out his own spine if he tried. 

Thorin said that there had been a push for him to be strung up like this in the grand hall, a warning, an example.  
Allegedly his uncle fought to spare Fili's dignity, let him die _in peace_ , alone. 

But in the end, Thorin didn't prevent this from happening. 

King Thorin put the hateful demands of a powerful political ally, who had rallied the masses to his side, above what was right, above Fili.  
Because Fili wasn't his own, he said.  
Wasn't one of them. 

(If Fili wasn't one of them, then Kili didn't want to be either. Not anymore. Never again.) 

"You will understand when you are King. Our people have to come first." Thorin told him, as if imparting a great wisdom. 

(And maybe he could have been a king, but Fili was his people now, no one else.) 

Fili, who had always been there for him, who went through hell for him, who loved him, who sacrificed _everything_ for him, with a smile and a laugh and always offered steadfast support. 

("I love you, it's okay. " Words through bloodstained teeth, the pain only outweighed by the love in his eyes.  
The smell of blood, the rattling, wheezing sound accompanying Fili's every breath.  
The moment his brother collapsed in his arms when his legs finally gave out.  
Kili's own strength, so feeble after just waking up, suddenly being the only thing keeping Fili from a horrible, gruesome death.  
He hollered, he argued, he demanded; he didn't give up.  
After endless hours, Fili was finally cut free; the chains snapped one by one, blood-curling screams drowning out the plink of the metal hitting the ground.  
Kili didn't know what was worse, the howls ringing in his ears or the frightening silence when Fili lost consciousness halfway through.  
It was all so much more than he could bear to think about; more than anything Fili should have ever had to experience. And yet it happened. And it would haunt him for the rest of his life, the details etched into his mind in perfect clarity, much like the scars Fili would be forced to bear for the rest of his life.  
They would never forget.  
And Kili would never forgive.) 

And now here they were, in a spartan room at the edge of the mountain, Fili bandaged and taken care of as well as possible, but still so far from healthy, so far from okay.  
Kili didn't know if he ever fully would be again, even as Oin, the only healer he knew he could trust with Fili, insisted that he would make a full recovery.  
Only the scars would remain, so much more than just skin deep. 

Kili swallowed the bile rising in his throat, the rage, the fear, the _fury_ at everyone who let this happen, including himself.  
He knew Fili wouldn't want him to feel this way, like he led Fili here, let him down, like he let this happen by not seeing all these tiny, myriad signs, all over the place.  
He had never considered them because they had always been there.  
And Fili had just smiled through it all. So that they could stay together. 

No more. 

Fili had technically been declared innocent. Nevertheless Kili had been strongly urged to get him out of the mountain, as soon as possible, and turn his attention to "his own" people instead.  
An animal had no place in their mountain, they said. 

(If Fili didn't belong in Erebor, then neither did he.) 

His mother, bless her heart, had been the only one who understood. She hadn't been able to prevent this from happening - though she had at least _tried_ \- but she was still firmly on their side. 

There were bags at the foot of Fili's bed. At first glance, they were filled with clothes, but the weight proved that his mother had filled them with as much gold and precious stones as possible, while still keeping it hidden from prying eyes.  
There were ponies waiting for them, laden with everything they might need and some knickknacks they might want to have. 

Kili hadn't left Fili's side even once, nothing in the world could make him, but he trusted that his mother would pack everything they needed.  
Fili had become like a second son to her over the years, and if anyone could feel his pain right now, it was her. 

They would have everything they needed, and a honor guard of true friends to them both to get them as far from Erebor as possible.

He didn't know where they would go after that. 

And he wouldn't tell anyone if he did.


	2. LypardFili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili chooses his second form. Not everyone is happy about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Prompt Nr.44:  
> Shapeshifter
> 
> This snippet happens when Kili is in his fifties, roughly twenty years before the Quest.

Most people couldn’t quite discern what Fili was supposed to be. He looked very similar to a lynx - ear tufts, lush beard, giant paws perfect for climbing, jumping and traveling on any surface.  
But he was bigger, with more muscles, and had some black markings in his tawny fur. This could have probably been overlooked if it hadn't been for his tail: long and firm, more like from a snow leopard than a lynx.

Little wonder, considering it came from one.

Kili witnessed more than one fight in Fili's home due to this.  
(He was as welcome in Fili's home as Fili was in his, and there was little reason to hide quarrels from what was essentially a second son.)  
Shapeshifters would change and try out a lot of different forms when young - but they would all eventually settle into one that was most comfortable for them. This form was both their strength and their camouflage - or it should be, which is why Fili settling on a form unique to only him raised more than just a few hackles.

Fili had been quick in settling on some kind of feline - just the exact kind had been a long journey. Now, long after everyone else had made their last decision, so did he - and he chose a hybrid, the best of two forms he loved the most, but never truly belonging in either.  
There was some speculation if Fili was just a rebel or if his form was a mirror of how he lived - feet steadfast in two very different cultures and worlds.

Kili wondered sometimes if he had anything to do with it. He had loved Fili as a lynx - especially the beard and the tufts and how he could sink his fingers deep into Fili's fur. He had jokingly told him that he almost looked like a dwarf cat with that gorgeous beard.  
(The lion mane had been impressive, but had not quite woken the same glee in him. Fili hadn't worn it long, especially in the cold winter living on top of the blue mountains.) 

But Fili had been stronger and bigger as a snow leopard.  
Strong enough even to carry Kili on his back, take him to places Kili could not reach by himself. More than once, Kili had found himself fascinated by that long tail, stroking it, watching it lazily swinging back and forth.  
It had also been quite useful in keeping balance, especially with Kili's initially unaccustomed weight on Fili's back. 

Kili tried to ask him about it, after he overheard Fili's mother accusing him of just going along with Kili's whims instead of learning to live on his own like a proper shapeshifter should.  
Fili just rolled his eyes. "I just like cats. Those two forms both felt right and offered me things that I don't want to miss. Why should I let myself be crippled by rules and traditions when I can have everything I want instead?" 

Kili had the distinct feeling Fili wasn't just talking about his chosen form. 

He was quite aware of how different Fili’s home was to his own - the nest they were lying in, the food, the culture, everything. Kili might have gotten used to it, but it was still strange, sometimes even alien, if he stopped to think about it.  
Fili lived in two very different worlds, thriving in his own way.  
And he let Kili be a part of that.  
There was nothing he didn't share with Kili. So what did it matter why exactly he settled as he had - he was Fili, unique and perfect and everything Kili loved.


End file.
